Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
