if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
