make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
