My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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