Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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