that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
