I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
