My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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