Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
