3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
