I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
