Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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