You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
