Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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