All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
