Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
