I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
