sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
