Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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