You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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