Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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