I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am midnight drunk by noon
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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