Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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