I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
