He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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