So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
