maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
