so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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