Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
