my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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