I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
