I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
