Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
