i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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