Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
