Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
