he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
