If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
