he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
