I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
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I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
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I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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