And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
