A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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