You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
