my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
