Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
