please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
