Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.