i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
