Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
