Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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