i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
