I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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