am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
