She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
