I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
