Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
