Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
