I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
