im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize