Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
