Pappa wants mamma naked
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
