next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
