So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
