Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
