Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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