i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Houston, we have a squirter
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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