I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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